Had a great sleep yesterday in a loong loong while. 10 hours of uninterrupted, naturally waking up sleep, even thou my sinus came back becasue of the air conditioning. This weekend just seems so much shorter just because the last weekend was one day longer, but i know its all psycological anyway! i'm pretty happy with the new vocation, there's really not much stress involved in it than other ones, only stress on our muscles that is. carrying gym mats over our heads and running around the soccer field IS crazy, and that wasn't even the only thing we did. 

And so clarence is already overseas for his university and jue yi is over in tibet trying to solve the problems going on there with his religion. Everyone seems to be going overseas soon so i'm thinking maybe i should consider some time travelling the world too, but not so soon. been talking to a couple of people like TC about their backpacking trips that sounded SO interesting. Its good some people know what to make do with their lives. NS isn't a really good avenue to consider future options honestly, really its the experience that tells you whether its time to change or time to stick, and we can't seem to get any of that if we're stuck serving the country like that.

I don't really have much to say actually other than i'll try to get my life back again. been watching 2 episodes of numb3rs already, and i can't seem to find a way to get episodes from tudou into my mp3. looking for some FLV converter that really works well. 

and well since she's already made her decision and is sure about it, i can't really say much already. its great she seems to be so much happier than she was, with the choice in her hands to be or not to, i'm happy for her. and i gotta use that to help myself in someway somehow.

being positive really isn't that hard, its just a matter of realising the shorter end of the stick might just be as inviting as the longer one, and being happy that not both sticks taken were not both short. 

and just in case anyone needs an analogy for that. the prisoner's dilema seems to be a good one. kinda shows that life IS most of the time dog eat dog. you're just always afraid the other party defects. but honestly, if everyone continued to co-operate, people will start realising the trend and make the world a better place. HAHA CHEEZY.

world peace!

so yea, long time since i've put something so default as normal as "trust" on a blog title already. just thought i'd like to spare some thoughts on it. 

So yea, i decided to finally let a few of my entries out into the open instead of keeping them all private. just had field camp over the week and it wasn't as hard as the one i had in bmt. i think the length of being out in the jungle is one thing. continuously counting the days till i get out makes the mood really bad and wasting less time counting less days just feels so much better. 4 days out in the jungle basically trying to do weird drills just feels like utter nonsense considering that even if there was a war i wouldn't consider professionalism in jungle warfare as a main factor to winning. maybe like 1%. 75% of it's already taken up as nuclear warfare. 

Hopefully my buddy's not reading this but i think he's a sort of fucktard. act beng not beng. act enthu but chao geng. not really talking to him much, think he knows. 

So that's almost what's been going on in life now. it feels like a movie somewhat. like at 6am i can almost see the footnote at the bottom that writes "6am, waking up on a friday morning, 2 days to go". and in the afternoon there's "12 noon, having lunch, 2 days to go" and i'm just slowly waiting for the "12 noon, taking ferry out into mainland singapore". its like i'm on autopilot and i check what's happening to my body at regular intervals. feels better this way.

haven't been able to get in touch with nicole alot. i miss her of course. but she's emoing now so she's not really telling me she misses me. but i guess somehow in the midst of all that emoness she does.

obviously, i can't wait to get out. i'm still wondering how people survive signing on to the army. trying to force passion out from people gets less out of those who really do have it. that's blabber but kudos if you get what i mean.

time to chill before i go back to green.

i guess hiding things never really get you anywhere. but yea opening up to people has its advantages and its disadvantages. it shows weakness in many different levels that you don't really get back. sometimes i think that's how friendship is made and grown. everyone has their weaknesses, and everyone needs to let it out to their friends somehow or another. as long as i regard you as a friend, i'll tell you everything.

i wouldn't say there was something terribly wrong with this world. i would say maybe a certain percentage of this world doesn't open up as much as they do. i guess its my nature to but sometimes the best people to do it to are not there for it. its quite hard to find people who would accept you for who you are sometimes. 

not that i am - but being gay i suppose is one of the hardest nowadays because there's this huge majority of people that don't accept people that are gay (just watched "little miss sunshine" today). 

but i suppose the best way to solve it is to accept that one has it.

that's where friends come in.

you find the best friends in people who'd accept you the most. whether you're gay, crippled, cracks dry jokes, looks themselves in the mirror alot, doesn't enjoy showeing. 

and just like a puzzle piece, you'd also find the best friends in the people who'd accept themselves the most: that fat kid downstairs who doesn't mind calling himself fat. that indian classmate who doesn't mind sprouting indian jokes. 

i guess what's missing in this world is really acceptance for one another, before solving it.

but that's just my guess.

everyone has weaknesses.
but you just seem so perfect to me.

i once heard a school bully mention that he extorted money to prepare his victims emotionally for tax paying in the future.

i wonder if he got away with it.

something indescribably tragic happened yesterday which i wouldn't want to mention, thou after a while thinking back it was rather funny somehow. if only "somehow" occupied our minds all the time!

so yea today's the last day of my leave from camp and soon i'll start totally afresh again. gonna take my time to gather my thoughts and find some meaning in life back again. everyone's getting somewhere already so i'm hoping this is just a blurred transition into something brighter than the lasers coming from merlion's head.

maybe i'll blog more.

so just an update on the current situation everywhere, the sky's cloudy and oh look! what's that up in the sky?



bloody hell! its kenneth! congrats on passing air grading. keep those flightsuits clean.

clarence is leaving for aussie again soon in febuary with his sis.

And then there's su, who just got posted to BMT you lucky bastard.

the last i heard of jue yi he's still waking up early for wedding shoots, poor chap.

as for me,



still madly in love.

"why not we do this, not buy anything to eat (in the cinema) and not get fat." - kenneth, after a short moment in cheers.

Hello. it rained this morning, scorched in the afternoon, and rained again at night. Not the typical day i would really like, considering that it kept raining at the wrong times. 

it feels worse saying the things i said.

i'm devestated. 

i'm lost.

and finally. its my dead end and no footholes to climb out of. 

which reminds me, you never really heard the bridge of the song i wrote for you.

wow didn't know they had foxtrot on livejournal. i love them. they rank #1 on my sarcasm list. it apparently runs in their family.

Well anyway had a quarrel with my mom today about whether i should eat my dinner with dry or soup instant noodles. the usual quarrel that makes you feel so homely and be glad that i'm sleeping at home instead of somewhere else. and eventually of course i get the dry noodles i want. sometimes things just don't change even thou you see alot of things do, you just have to find out what. speaking of which i just found out that a thai restaurant just opened in the market. never expected both markets and restaurants to go together - except for maybe restaurants and SUPERmarkets in holland v. i guess things just kinda evolve sometimes. i bet its the booming economy that's doing this.

speaking of evolution of the economy and society and such, i wonder if singapore will ever evolve to become something like the british or other higher powered countries. The thing is - even thou we might be as rich as them, we'll still work like dogs to get where we are. i mean, look at them, they practically spend a quarter of their year on holiday or leave, the other three-thirds working. The thing is, the government can put as many "work life balance" advertisments they can but how i see the only way we can do it is to give us more holidays, take away NS and maybe, just maybe, we will be happy with life finally. in the meantime the government can also repeal 377a. haha sorry additional comment, not being too political here, nor am i gay. 

I guess maybe asians are workoholics because its our nature. we like to work. we like to make our bosses happy? i don't know, but i'd rather have my life not so potentially filled with death-by-stress factors. 

i think alot reading the book popco, and i think the whole two paragraphs above came from there somewhere haha. its a great book, and i've been waiting ages to read it. not many books contain works about math (or cryptology) and philosophy together. philosophy like, meaning of like philosophy. and like at the end comes a little bit of politics. Life and math just go on hand in hand so well. Its like why i like watching numb3rs too, especially about the parts about math with human nature. and then there's physics with existence. (numb3rs is an NBC show)

and so i am not gonna start mumbling about the string theory, so i guess you get the picture. 

so yea, took off tomorrow for hari raya, gonna be going over to princess's school tomorrow and spend the day with her. 

and if i have the time, i'll blog again!

"a bit beyong perception's reach, i sometimes belive i see, that life is two locked boxes, each containing the other's key." - Piet Hein